You know that point in your life when you understand the difference between being mad and being disappointed. Like, you always joke that it meant the same. When your mother said “I’m not mad, just disappointed,” but it still felt like she was mad with being grounded for three weeks and the extra chores?
I’m right there. Realizing that disappointment doesn’t feel the same as mad.
I’m not mad at myself, just disappointed.
I wrote twenty thousand words.
Twenty thousand words I absolutely hate with every fiber of my being, that won’t make it to the next round of writing, that will disappear at some point and be forgotten about.
I’m disappointed in myself. It sucks. I can make a thousand excuses. I had taken on extra shifts. I had gone on multiple interview trips. I took my cat to the vet too many times to speak and then stared at the bill for hours after.
I was busy.
I was tired.
I was uninspired.
But I look back and remember how busy I was in high school. How I still wrote fifty thousand words in a month with homework and friends and life.
Things come at you fast, don’t they?
There’s no point in staying disappointed in myself. I did write some words. I did keep blogging. I did read a book or two. I did put myself out there multiple times for interviews (that turned out to be nothing in the end, but damn did I try).
So just because I didn’t finish the 85K in 90 Days, I still did a lot to be proud of. And that goes for you to, if you wrote five words or five hundred thousand and five words (if you wrote that much, though, oh my goodness can you write). If you did something to progress towards your goal, you did it.
Baby step after baby step will still get you over the hill and towards your destination.
So moving forward, I’m going to reevaluate my goals. I’m going to shake off what didn’t work and push forward. I’m going to break down each week into bite size moments.
And most of all I’m going to keep writing.
Let me know how you did this year, if you took part, and let me know any other writing achievements you’ve gotten through. I want to cheer you on, because, damn. Life is hard. And writing is harder.
Good luck, and thank you for sticking here with me even through my failures. We’ll get the next one.