white clouds

Personal Post: Surgery Forces New Focuses

I’m not good at sitting still. I’m always starting something new. I have a thousand ideas.

So having to have surgery was hard for me. I made plans to not only read 5 books in May, but write the outline to two workbook concepts, an outline for a novel, and clean when I could.

I did barely anything. I was useless. It sucked.

Just like the first four months of the year, I was stuck doing what my body would let me. And what my body would let me was sleep, eat, and then sleep some more. I played some video games and read because my brain wanted something but not much, and in the end I did some work in my normal day job by the end of the month.

But I wasn’t productive. I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do. I hated myself. I even missed a week of blog posts because my brain was so fogged I couldn’t get it together.

My doctor made some very valid points to me as I sat frustrated in my latest appointment. She told me that I was so tired because one, I was recovering and two, I finally am allowed to be tired. For over four months I have been in pain and that’s all my body could focus on. I couldn’t sleep well and I couldn’t think.

It made me realize that sometimes you do need a break. It’s not a reflection on your self worth if you need to take a moment from what you want to do. No one who reads this blog hates me for missing a week. I have to remember that when my favorite creators take a break I don’t hate them for not giving me content or doing what they say they always will do. I understand that life is tough and sometimes you can’t do what you expected. But it’s hard to realize that for me.

Surgery forced me to stop and reflect. It forced me to take time to recover.

Now that it’s June, I feel strong enough to do more of what I want to do. I want to write a wrap up post about what books I did read in May because it was the #asianreadathon and I think those books were important. I want to get ready for Camp NaNo in July.

I will say my doctor still tells me to slow down. I’m technically still in recovery. I’ll definitely slow down a little, but I still want to get stuff done.

One day I’ll fully take a break longer than a few days. One day I’ll take a break that isn’t forced by health.

Let me know in the comments your advice for breaks. How do you slow down and focus on yourself? I obviously need some help there.

Leave a Reply